i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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