My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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