Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
