new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
