he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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