About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
