Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
