NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
