Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
