dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
