youre lurking in front of me
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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