I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
