we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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