one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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