Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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