....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
