Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
