Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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