the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Couch. On fire.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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