i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
