I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
