At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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