I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
