Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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