I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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