There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
