didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
