her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
