How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
