I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
