How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The power of my boobs compel you
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
