he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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