I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
