all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You made out with two different species that night
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
