Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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