Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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