I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Michael Bay diarrhea
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
