If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
