i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
