It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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