He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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