Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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