I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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