what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
