I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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