I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
