i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
