I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
