I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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