No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
