i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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