i jhust puked up my retainher.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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