The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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