Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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