every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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