i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
