i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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