so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
