Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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