I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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