Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
