You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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