My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
