Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
