Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
