well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
