I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
