I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
