It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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