I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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