Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
COCAINE IS GR8
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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